Greetings from the glow,

First, I want you to note that as I write this it is three degrees Fahrenheit outside.   This is the temperature that oxygen freezes.  Just breathe in and you will end up with two lung sized ice cubes inside you. 

Next, as you ethologists already know, this is the time of year when a young coyote’s fancy turns to love.  For the next two months or so, coyotes will be speed dating.  They will be out in large numbers looking for meaningful relationships, which in coyote terms means making coyote pups for this fall.

Now consider that I live in what might be considered a semi-rural area, meaning there are no sidewalks.  This is perfect territory for coyotes.

Most of you know this but coyote’s main diet is carrion, and I don’t mean the one bag you’re allowed to take on the plane.  In our area this consists of deer that have not yet made the connection between oncoming headlights on minivans and the various carcasses found frozen to the dirt shoulders on the side of our semi-rural area roads.

Deer in semi rural areas cannot enjoy the relative safety of sidewalks where it is less likely cars will convert them to carrion.  So they, along with various other less alert species, will periodically find themselves the main course in a coyote buffet. 

Coyotes love being in our sidewalk free zone.  They realize that this is where the road kill smorgasbord will be.  But, coyotes are not fussy, obviously, and will eat almost anything.  Mice, voles, (not a typo) shrews, rabbits, squirrels, birds, frogs, snakes, and garbage.  In semi rural areas they will also prey on unattended small dogs. 

Here is where you should note we have a small dog, though we don’t tell him he is in that category and he has no frame of reference, lacking any other sized dog with whom to compare himself.  Max, for all he knows, is a giant among his specie. This lack of perspective has not prepared him well for semi-rural living, since he seems to think he can dominate deer or squirrel with equal ability, (I’m judging by the vigor with which he barks at both) lacking any proof of the likelihood of either scenario. 

Fifty percent of the parenting/management team here thinks of this confluence of risk as a concern for Max.  Some randy coyote, returning from a coyote assignation, might want an evening snack.  West Highland Terrier on a Triscuit, perhaps.  Max, being unaware of his position on the food chain, and used to bossing other animals around from behind the safety of the living room window, might not be able to negotiate a reasonable outcome.

We have discussed this risk and one solution is that we not allow Max to go outside unaccompanied in case one of the many coyotes drawn to our semi-rural Mecca might stop by for dinner.  Therefore when Max needs to answer the call of nature, it would be incumbent on us to go outside with him to see what that call might be.  Even if we are wearing our pajamas, a clear sign we should be in bed. 

Here is where I remind you that it is three degrees Fahrenheit outside. 

The other fifty percent of the parenting/management team has a somewhat more casual view of this coyote threat.  That half of the team feels that the risk of one animal being eaten by another animal is subordinate to the risk of having various things frozen solid on one’s body while standing outside watching a pet relieve himself, which is humiliating enough for all parties.  

Problem solvers among you might point to the houseful of children for whom our pet was procured, bolstered by promises to always feed him and play with him and tend to his every need.  Perhaps they, with their hardy young physiques, more tolerant to lung chilling temperatures, could be involved with taking Max to his appointments and protect him from becoming coyote victuals.   To which I snort derisively at your naiveté.

The compromise has come from technology: turning on the anti-coyote light.  I have learned that a certain type of sixty watt bulb gives off an anti-coyote glow and so we installed one in the light fixture just outside the back door where Max runs off to answer the call.  Studies so far have shown this to be effective enough to protect Max from predators.  (Past performance is not a guarantee of future results.  Consult your zoologist for more information.)

Retailers do not market these bulbs as ‘anti-coyote’, no doubt wishing to avoid the wrath of PETA.  But if you mention to the clerk you are looking for a light that will allow you to stay inside in your pajamas while your dog pees in coyote-free comfort, he will know what you mean.  Pay no attention to the eye roll.

Whether you have sidewalks, coyotes or live in a cryogenic environment, I urge you to purchase one of these light bulbs today.  They are also designed to keep away heffalumps and woozles, as well as discourage disagreements about whose turn it is to take the dog out.

Hope this finds you without frostbite on your self-respect,         

David

You can follow me on Twitter (@braverunner) and find me on Facebook

Copyright © 2011 David Smith

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